This is the month that ushers in the holiday season, which is always my favorite time of year - but unfortunately being a single woman it can be a bit lonesome as well. I'd thought that by now, I'd have met "the one" and have at least started a family of my own, but for some odd reason my life hasn't taken that path - at least not as of yet.
At times I'm bitter when I think back to a couple of the "false starts" I've experienced that I thought surely were the path to starting a family unit of my own, but when I thoroughly examine each of those situations - I am actually glad that they didn't develop. I wasn't ready, and the men I've dated have never been what I really need in a partner.
My last long term relationship is the only relationship I've ever had of which I'd like to have a continuation of. I felt that particular man was my soul mate, but that somehow I'd just met him at the wrong time - too early in my view. There were many events and influences that I felt pushed and pulled that particular relationship off course - one event in particular (of which I was never able to explain in detail to him about due to shame - that I think he took as rejection, but shouldn't have considering that I was sexually assaulted by someone, which is what lead me to make the choice that I did). Maybe it was meant to be that way, but in my heart I don't believe that it was. I often pray for solid closure in regards to that time of my life.
September was a major stepping stone for me because I came to the realization that I have to shield myself a bit more from people who will stunt my growth. I decided to cut everyone out of my life that I met over the past 3 years (with the exception of 2 people). I don't regret having lived in Los Angeles or having chosen the professional path that I did, but I do regret having dealt with the majority of people who crossed my path. Certain people I've gotten to know have been the true definition of "frienemies" but hey, it's better to know now than never, and I feel great to have freed myself from such losers.
I've FINALLY learned that one generally can only be friends with others who are moving along in life at the same pace as yourself, and who have the same values as yourself. Sure you can be acquaintances with other types of people but not true FRIENDS. For example - I'll never be friends ever again with a bored housewife, who doesn't have to work and who can't figure out (due to lack of wanting to actually feel anything real) why the child she abandoned doesn't connect with her.
Anyways, to conclude I have a lot of personal goals and projects as usual to work on and complete this month so I'm amped up. I have nothing but time, so I'll continue to fill that time with as much worthwhile activity as possible.
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